remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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