WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
