ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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