I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
