If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
