Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
