If i come over, it means nothing
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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