she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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