so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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