I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
