I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
