JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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