Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
