You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
