she woke up with a sticky ear
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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