All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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