Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
