when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
