I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
