i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
