Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Panties = found
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
