i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
