Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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