I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
