i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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