You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
