You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
