Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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