If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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