I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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