Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
