she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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