It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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