The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
