I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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