It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Randomize
