For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Someone shattered a urinal.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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