theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
