remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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