sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
