I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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