she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
