Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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