I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize