i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
