You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize