STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
