So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
