I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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