i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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