i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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