my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
