if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
