physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
