You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
