I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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