I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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