But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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