I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize