She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
