she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
