That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have post one night stand depression
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize