dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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