You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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