i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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