I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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