there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
