NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
