My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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