his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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