I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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