Nicole vs. Life
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
