She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
