I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is the high leading the old right now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
